Whimsy, boundaries and mothering

Sharing my mothering wellbeing toolkit

Let me start off by saying, I’ve only been a mum for 9 years which still makes me feel like a baby parent. Although having 3 kids and the challenges of raising them away from home makes up for the “novelty” of my motherhood.

Through the years I have built a toolkit that is supportive of my wellbeing as I mother the best way I can. Keeping the proverbial bar as reasonable as possible.

So here goes,

1. I’ve stopped playing the optimising game. No I cannot go to the gym 5- 6 days a week, work a full time job, have 2-3 hobbies on the go, meet up with friends every weekend, have a fresh manicure and pedicure, have a side hustle, get my 10,000 steps daily, write my morning pages…insert unrealistic expectations here. I pick what is doable and focus on answering this question, “what do I need now?”,

   

2. Whenever I need a quick pick me up, I grab Sephora cream lip stain in no.1. It’s a bright “suits everyone” red lipstick that makes me feel more confident especially on those bleurgh days when I’ve not had enough sleep. Something about it makes your skin look fresher and your eyes look brighter. Shame we don’t have Sephora in the Netherlands but Sephora France delivers here.

   

   she’s worth adding to your makeup bag

3. I used to be the kind of person who rushed through getting ready and always forgot the last step of spritzing perfume. And then 2 years ago when I was deep in TikTok scrolling, I discovered all these perfume influencers and started to understand base notes etc. Now I notice how putting on and often layering some perfume as part of my morning ritual makes me feel like I’ve got my life together.

   Some of my favourite scents include Khayal which I got when I lived in the UAE, simple Zara Hypnotic Vanilla, Lush Sticky Dates, Tom Ford Velvet Orchid, Lattafa Angham.

4. Reading tarot for myself and others as well as getting tarot readings.I love it. It’s a practice that grounds me and intentionally forces me to tap into myself and my intuition. Whenever I am having an off day, I pull a card. When I am having an off season, I go for a tarot reading. When my friends are feeling stuck, I offer voice note readings. My kids also love pulling cards for themselves and we analyse the cards together ✨

   

   met up with my friend who is a medium, healer and tarot reader and we had a mummy and daughters playdate

5. I read this piece yesterday and it resonated so deeply, The Erasure of Solange’s Motherhood.

   Anytime Solange has shared herself since 2004, she has done so as a mother, even if it is not the most central part of her presentation. The freedom, the laughter, the authenticity that you see when you admire Solange are possible within mothers. And when we mislabel her as a rich auntie, with the connotation of childlessness, we rob her of her true identity and rob ourselves of the opportunity to appreciate the representation of a woman who did not crumble under motherhood, but rose and evolved. The true resistance to the outdated expectations of motherhood is recognizing Solange as a model of a liberated mother, one who grew in motherhood, not in spite of it.

   Part of my mothering especially in this season is about showing up in my whimsy, the creative, the dreamy parts of me that can easily be erased by life and more so a society that wants to make mother look or feel one dimensional . So more tattoos, more pink hair, more wearing what makes me happy, more colour, more adding tarot into my very professional work.

   

6. I quit Instagram and TikTok more than a year ago, maybe two actually. My headspace is clear, the comparison metrics are destroyed and I am not living life through my camera to transfer it onto the feed. Instagram messed with my contentment which often made me feel bad about myself which translated into how I felt as a mother. No more of that!

7. This mama has some strong boundaries. I clock off work at 5pm and hardly ever work late. My work is heavy and emotionally draining and I try to contain it within my working day. Closing off with an evening shower ritual to wash off the day and transition into mine and my families time. I rarely accept late meetings and I make these boundaries clear to my team. As a former people pleaser especially in the work environment, immensely proud of myself.

   

8. Getting dressed everyday with minimal make up is always a win for me. I have a remote work from home job and mainly see people during school pick up. And often it feels like I am getting dressed to pick up my kids, which in my opinion is good enough reason. Being intentional with what I wear and how I want to feel that day is so supportive to how I show up in my mothering.

   

   got dressed to take my little one on a bus ride to the farmers market

It’s Mother’s Day today which can be a complicated holiday for a lot of us. A day that may be filled with grief for some, a holiday that seems misplaced and tokenish* or a day that has been taken over by the greed of capitalism that it looses the essence of what it truly means.

Whatever the day looks like for you, may it meet you where you are and give you what you need.

Happy Mother’s Day.

I’d love to know what are some things in your life or mothering toolkit that feel supportive to your wellbeing?