On unexpected grief

What right do I have to grieve?

Am I allowed to?

How can I be grieving so deeply for someone that “wasn’t family or close friend, that I’d never even sat and had a coffee with”

And yet how would I not grieve for the woman who cradled and nurtured my little family into her space as we settled into a a new country, surrounded by the panic of COVID. Her kindness and grace embraced not only my 4 year old at the time but my 36 year old self and since then my middle daughter joined that bubble of warmth.

and maybe that’s why I grieve so deeply because,

I saw her everyday for more than 200 days a year for four and a half years, as she handed my children over two me every afternoon.

Her almost magical aura made you feel safe as soon as you came into her orbit.

She paid deep attention to each child without ever shaming them for their quirks.

Last week, we received the news that my children’s teacher unexpectedly passed away on Easter Sunday.

Armed with warm memories we said goodbye as her hearse at the request of her daughters drove past the school and around 150 children and tearful parents blowing bubbles to say goodbye. We all collectively grieved and continue to, someone I can only describe as an angel on earth (with no hyperbole).

I have been so unsettled and unable to write on here until I recognised that writing would be healing and supportive in allowing me to process this loss. And hopefully validating that loss and grief can come in many forms.

Have you ever experienced grief that was unexpected?

I have been coping by journaling, crying deeply, remembering the warm interactions I had with her and allowing myself to slow down when necessary.

Why straight jeans don’t work for me

I’ve always loved straight leg jeans but they never quite look right on me. They are always too tight on the thighs and big on the waist. Which I feel goes against the slouchy relaxed silhouette that straight jeans should offer.

Stumbled onto this video by Percia and it completely explained why straight leg jeans never land the way they should on me. She basically says that when the widest part of your body is not your hips but your thighs, the curve of your thighs will always be visible in the jeans and the jeans will lose their slouch. She recommends trying men’s jeans which I think I’ll consider.

I wear purple highlighter now

My make up routine is super simple, some concealer or skin tint, mascara, cream blush, eyebrow gel and some kind of lipgloss.

As one does, or doesn’t I had a moment of inspiration and decided that I wanted to add a purple iridescent highlighter to my routine.

And that is exactly what I did. I ordered the NYX buttermelt stix in love at first sight.

I absolutely love it and have been wearing it almost every day.

Some Recent Outfits

I think my wardrobe has found it’s sweet spot, I have everything I need to put together outfits without too much thinking which was always the goal for me. Here are some looks I have put together and remembered to take pictures of,

@mystylerules Julia inspired me to put together this outfit, next time though I think I’ll go with a oversized shirt under the fringed knit.

A safe place to land

A Safe Place to Land is where I share the books, shows, rituals, and small things that help my body soften and my nervous system settle. In case you need somewhere to land, too.

Waiting to Exhale

At risk of getting my millennial card revoked, I have to admit that I had never watched Waiting to Exhale until a few weeks ago. I have listened to the soundtrack since I was in my early teens but had never seen the movie.

That outfit on Lela Rochon

I loved it! The actresses, the outfits, the music, the slow cutaways. Despite it covering heavy material, it slowed down time as I watched it.

this scene though

If you needed a safe comfort watch or rewatch, Forest Whitaker did a fantastic job with waiting to exhale.

Touch grass or sand

During my Easter solo parenting time, I decided to take all three kiddos to the local beach. Not for a swim day because the sea is currently still freezing but a day out on the sand.

When we got there, the kids insisted on taking their socks off and sticking their teeny toes in the sand. Of course they proceeded to demand that I also take off my socks. I did and I must admit that there is was something so comforting about feeling the grainy sand between my toes. We even dipped our toes in the freezing North Sea.

If you are feeling dysregulated or unsettled, I highly recommend going outside and walking barefoot in grass, soil or sand.

I am still prepping for my 4 day solo hike next week and I have been loving exploring the national park near me. The best thing about hiking in Noord Holland is the fact that there is nothing to fear when you are out in the woods, no scary snakes, no predators or big scary animals only big beautiful highland cows.

A rambly post for today, thanks for reading

With care

Nyachomba